Zipporah's Birth

It was a dark and stormy night. . . 

Actually, it was a warm day in mid-June.  Since my last four births were inductions I was sort-of expecting the same this time, while trying to be hopeful it would not happen.  In any case, even though I had gotten to the point of planning childcare for the "big day" I was still thrown off-guard mentally at my last appointment when "it became real."  Every time, it seems that happens.  As much as I try to prepare, I am still a blubbering mess the minute my doc says, how about "this day."

I had decided to wait until the next Monday, June 23rd. . . but then as I saw my doctor the Monday before (on my due date, June 16) said she said I would need to come in for a non-stress test on Thursday, I joked about bringing my bag and just staying, but she looked at me seriously and said I could come in on Wednesday (June 18) instead. . . if I wanted.  Goodness, I felt like she had just asked if I wanted my arm or my leg cut off.  I could NOT decide!!  I spent most of the day in agony.  Seriously.  Finally, even though I wanted so badly to give myself more time, it really fit in everyone's schedule (my husband, my parents, my in-laws) better if we went ahead and "did it" on Wednesday.  And after some reflection (especially now that the induction went as it did) I honestly believe if we had decided to wait until Monday, I still would have had to be induced, it just would have been a few days later and a bit more inconvenient for everyone.

So the morning of my induction day (set to begin that evening - around 7:30pm), I woke up early and went for a nice long walk (as was my custom during the later weeks of pregnancy, once my belly became too large for jogging).  It was nice and peaceful.  I was enjoying myself and chatting with God, and suddenly I look down and 500,000 mosquitoes were attacking my legs!!  Seriously!!  Where did they come from and how did I not notice them earlier?!?!  (Well, I was wearing compression pantyhose, and I "feel" those all the time, so I guess that is why I did not notice them earlier, but to have them all attack at once was quite unnerving!!)  I spent the rest of my walk (about 30 more minutes to get back home) looking down at my legs (first front and then back - making my gait quite awkward) every five seconds to check for/swat at mosquitoes!!  I felt like I had gotten jumped in the subway and those 30 minutes were MISERABLE.  All I could think was, "Really, God?!?!  Was that necessary?!?!"  Anyhow, about 10 minutes from home I realized I was early enough this morning that I could probably jump in the shower and still make it to the church near my house for the 8am daily Mass.  My brain thought, "Good idea!!" so I picked up the pace, speed-showered, and ran up to the church only to discover they do not have the 8am daily Mass on Wednesdays. . . only Tuesdays and Thursdays (the days we usually attend with the local Catholic school).  So slap-in-the-face number two. . .

I pushed on with my day, finished packing/prepping the house to be gone a few days, etc. and managed to get my husband and oldest daughter, Rebekah (who would be attending the birth with me), to Plainville (30 minutes away - where I would deliver), not only on-time, but early!!  We got them Dairy Queen burgers for dinner (the husband's favorite) and I skipped because I was too nervous to eat.

Notice my husband's humor. . . he was quick to "doodle" on our white-board.

We had to enter through the Emergency entrance because that is the only door not locked after 6 pm.  The ladies there, though, were most helpful and friendly.  Shortly after getting settled they started me on cervadil.  Although many of my friends have great stories of labor happening shortly after starting this drug, I cannot add my story to theirs.  The best I had were some fairly regular "wimpy" contractions by morning.  Fortunately I was able to sleep fairly well - even in that uncomfortable hospital bed.

So then that morning I had to make ANOTHER DECISION!!  Blargh, why is giving birth full of so many choices?!?!  

(But on the flip side, I am grateful to be consulted.  I should note that when I got there, my nurse told me, "This is YOUR birth.  Whatever YOU want, let us know."  And I really carried that attitude with me.  This is MY BIRTH.  I am in charge and they are here to assist/help.)

I was not eager to start pitocin, but I was not quite ready to "just go home" and come back on Monday.  So we decided to do some walking.  We walked from Rooks County Health Center (RCHC) to the awesome playground at Sacred Heart Catholic School in Plainville.  Although it takes five minutes to make the trip by car, it is apparently about two miles one way.  Who knew?  My doctor was a little shocked to hear that we went so far but my family really enjoys "destination" walks, so this was perfect for us.

After letting my daughter play some we walked on to the local convenience store for her and my husband to pick up some snacks.  By the time we got back to RCHC my contractions (which had been every 3-5 minutes for a minute to a minute and a half long) were getting stronger.  I was hopeful that maybe things would keep going.  Unfortunately as I sat down for a bit back in my room, they practically stopped.

I was grateful for this opportunity to try and "do it on my own" but I finally realized that I NEEDED the pitocin.  So we ate lunch and got it started.  Oddly enough, even with the pitocin, my contractions were not all the regular (which is not how pitocin usually works for me - normally they come fast and furious) and they were not all that strong either (but that is NOT uncommon for me in the beginning of starting pitocin).  Once the pitocin started I had to be "babysat" in case anything went wrong.  But I did not mind because I had an AMAZING nurse.  Seriously, she is THE BEST LABOR NURSE EVER!   What I remember most about her was feeling so comfortable.  With other labor nurses, I know they are there to help me and keep me safe, but there is almost a "fear" about them -a sense of "I have to protect you, I HOPE you will listen to me, and I am AFRAID for what you are going through."  There was none of that with Nancy.  She was completely relaxed and calm and it might have helped that we had similar interests in tv shows and books.  It was as if I had my best friend in the room, although we just met that morning.  Plus she was always reminding me to change positions every so often and suggesting other things to try and help the baby move down and open my hips, etc, but without being pushy or over-bearing about it.  Nancy was a tremendous blessing and I will be singing her praises for A LONG TIME and probably be requesting her if/when I end up delivering at RCHC again.

A couple hours of so-so contractions came and went.  I listened to some soothing music, got bored, watched an episode of Eureka, and then just sat and talked with Nancy for a while.  Finally around 5pm my doc came in and broke my water.  I had been wanting her to do that a bit sooner, but she had some patients to see, some loose ends to tie up, etc.  Since I was not in major discomfort yet I did not mind so much.  I was only at a loose 4 by this point.  However, once she broke my water, I immediately KNEW it was time for things to start happening.  I was nauseous and shaking.  I told my husband to call our birth photographer and tell her the baby would probably be here within an hour.  He looked at me skeptically and double-checked, "really, ONE hour?!?!"  I told him I could be wrong (although deep inside, I did not doubt my prediction) but just tell her "things are happening."  Fortunately, she was planning to come once she got off work at 5pm, so she was already on her way.  (Good thing, too, as I ended up delivering about 50 minutes later.)

This is where I mentally began to go crazy as I KNEW the end was close, but THIS WAS THE HARD PART!!  My favorite position ended up being hands and knees on the bed, with the head of the bed way up for me to grab on.  I had failed to get myself some cute "labor clothes" (one item from the "to do" list that just never got done) so here I was in my old giant t-shirt that I happened to be wearing when I came the day before and nothing else - giant arse up in the air for all to see.  But that's what labor is, right?  :)  At this point though, the pain was getting intense enough I really did not care AT ALL.  Now I care.  But then, not so much.  It was all I could do to breath through the contractions as they were the rough ones.  Fortunately there were only a few - I counted the REALLY BAD ones - somewhere between 6 and 10, I would say and did my best to offer up the pain for the intentions of my friends (that I had carefully listed out and read through earlier).

The handy thing about this position was that I did not have to switch to let my doc check me.  Which sounds silly, but it was a major perk as laying on my back during this part of labor is THE WORST for me.  Finally I felt the baby move down into my pelvis and my doc confirmed I was complete.  Then she asked if I wanted to deliver squatting.

ANOTHER DECISION!!  Sheesh!! 

(I say in jest, of course, I wrote a labor plan and mentally prepped myself for this moment as I really enjoy the pushing part and I wanted to savor it.  If I can say that without sound dumb, of course :)

I had WANTED to deliver in the birthing tub.  It was in my birth plan and everything.  But I knew the minute they hooked up the pitocin that would not happen as you cannot be on pictocin and have a water birth.  I would have to be off the pitocin for at least 30 minutes before getting in the water.  So plan B. . . They had brought in a squat bar, but I was more excited about the birthing stool.

This is might be hard to believe, but this picture was taken as I climbed off the bed, getting ready to push.  I was SO HAPPY!!  Giving birth is such a rush!  Notice my awesome nurse, Nancy, holding the doppler for the baby so they could hear her heartbeat?  She went above and beyond, for sure.  And my doc is behind me, prepping for delivery I guess. . . or maybe tying her shoe?  (LOL :)

In any case, I hopped off the bed, and I remember shouting out my thanks to God for getting me to that point!!  It was like seeing the finish line about a hundred yards out after a marathon.  (No, I have not run a marathon yet, but I would imagine that is what it is like, ok?  On a side note, running a marathon has been added to my "bucket list.")

Pushing.

I decided to just squat and began pushing.  After the first push, my doctor had me stop a minute to check if the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck.  It was not, but I had a bit of a cervical lip, apparently.  So she simply lifted it over the baby's head, easy peasy.  (Apparently that is quite painful, but I don't remember feeling it at all.)  Then another push and out fell Miss Zipporah.

You have to look closely, but down there, right by my doctor's hand, you can see a baby hand.  She just arrived.

I am taking off my shirt in this picture.  So I can put that baby on my chest.

Deliriously happy :)

Cute chubby baby face.

Pure bliss.

I should put this up on my facebook page and ask for captions as I have no idea what Gordie was saying here and can think of nothing pithy to put at the moment.

Here my doctor is giving my daughter a lesson on "placentas."  The other ladies standing by her were "learning" doctors that where shadowing Dr. Brull.  (I was WELL taken care of :)  I really love how she was very enthusiastic about me having Rebekah there.

I was back and forth on having Rebekah come.  When I initially asked her (shortly after telling her we were pregnant) she said she did not want to be there, but then about a week before she told me she could not decide.  Then the DAY BEFORE she said she WANTED to come.  I am so glad she was there.  She was a great help and it was an experience I am sure she will treasure.

I am so blessed to have such a great doctor!!

And I cannot thank God enough for this amazing birth and this amazing baby.  I love you, Zipporah Marie!!

Welcome to the family of God, Zipporah Marie!

Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray.  The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them, but Jesus said, "Let the little children come tome and do not stop them, for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs."  And he laid his hands on them and went on his way.  (Matthew 19:13-15)

I'm not sure this verse is mentioned in the section on baptism from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, but I have always thought of it when I have my infant children baptized.  Today it really struck me how it is the faith of the community that is witnessed to at this event.  True, the grace happens to the baby.  Little Zipporah Marie is now a daughter of God, adopted through Jesus Christ, but she is also still just a baby.  And it is up to us as parents and her godparents and in fact, the entire Church community to help her learn and live the faith.

I should also note that Father Fred gave us kudos on picking her name and quizzed the congregation on who Zipporah was in the bible.  He also chose Mass today to mention how kids are most welcome and he understands how it can be tough for parents with little kids.  He, himself, was the second oldest of 10, so he "gets it," and was most encouraging of families that pack up all the kids to get to Mass on Sundays.

And now, without further ado, here are some pictures:

For the record, I have no idea what I found so funny at the time of this picture.

Receive the light of Christ!  :)

Being baptized really wears a girl out.

In the gown made from Great Grandma Mary Schmeidler's wedding gown.  (Which all the grandkids and great grandkids, thus far, have been baptized in.)

Decorated with lots of love (and perhaps not so much skill).  This was "Grandma's recipe" for chocolate cake and there were no left-overs.

Baby Thoughts. . . some reflecting, mostly random

Ordinarily I would have a huge happy post about welcoming the new baby (Zipporah Marie) to the family right now.  And let me tell you, it is killing me to not have such a post, but I'm making myself wait as I want to share her birth story and I am anticipating some wonderful pictures to accompany it.  This time I was blessed to have a birth photographer and if you were ever on the fence over such a thing, let me just say I will TREASURE these pictures, I am sure (from what I have gotten to glimpse so far, anyhow).  Now, would I/if I could have, had one for each of my sixth births? . . . I'm not sure.  But at this point in my life, it is SO COOL to see pictures of the birth as by the time the photographer got there and started taking pictures I was "in the zone" trying to survive all the insanity going on in my body and I have always wondered what it looked like from the outside.  My husband assured me it was "gross" and I did not want to see it, but that is why women give birth and not men I think.  Or perhaps seeing the pictures simply reminds me of the entire event as a whole - which is absolutely incredible- perhaps the most important event I get to participate in my whole life! (With the exception of the Sacrifice of the Eucharist at Mass, of course :)

Anyhow, as usually happens to me, post-birth, I have been doing some reflecting over the past few days.  Pregnancy and childbirth are such amazing occasions in a woman's life. I know birth always gives me a spectacular high that lasts several days (about a week this time) before I am just flat-out exhausted and then comes the hormonal insanity, but really there is such a beauty to it.  I am always floored by how much I can love another creature - this little baby - so fiercely and completely.  But more than just this new profound, anticipated, but still seemingly unexpected love for my baby, I feel almost as though the blinders come off my heart for a bit during this "recovery period" and I "feel" love for everyone more profoundly.  Suddenly I am writing thank you notes that make people cry and I am GERMAN - I DON'T CRY or have anything to do with crying!!  Every decision becomes life-shattering and I feel completely caught up trying to absorb every minute.  

I took Zipporah to daily Mass last Thursday and it really was a Mass of Thanksgiving for me.  Thanksgiving for her arrival and her perfection.  Thanksgiving for God blessing me with such a wonderful family.  I had to go to adoration afterward because I just could not get enough.  In the midst of my thankfulness, I remember my friends who long for children and mourn for them and then I think of all those children aborted and mourn for them and their poor, lost parents.  How I wish they could experience my seemingly infinite thankfulness.

And now it is time to rest and as much as I want to continue pondering. . . I really need to "pull the plug" here, so to speak, and get some rest.  My apologies for being "all over the place" but in my defense, I did call it reflections and ramblings and there has been a lot of both of those, for sure!  

Be sure to keep your eyes out for that birth post as it is coming soon.

Blessings!

Journal #21

Out My Window:

Cloudy and overcast with 50% chance of rain.  Hopefully we actually get some moisture as we could sure use it!

Clothing Myself In:

Navy shorts, Camp Hansen T-shirt (magenta colored, with a raccoon on it - definitely got some "style" today), support hose, and tennis shoes.

Around the House:

Thank God for nesting.  I am cleaning out closets, rearranging rooms, getting rid of JUNK.  And it feels great.  Unfortunately I probably need to be pregnant for about three years straight to finally get the whole house in order.  Our house is not that large, but we sure do have a lot of places for stuff to just accumulate.

The Baby:

Miriam has taken to trying to dress herself in the morning with "the big kids" (which often happens before Mom gets up - pregnant Momma needs her rest).  This morning I found her naked in the hallway, trying to figure out how to put on a skirt with attached shorts.  She was having issues with both legs in one hole.  Of all my children, so far only Miriam has been the most amicable when it comes to changing her diaper and putting on her clothes.  It is almost as if she says, "please help me do this," with her actions.  And while considering words, Miriam is getting more all the time and will repeat almost anything, as best she is able.  Unfortunately her temper is growing as she gets frustrated not being able to do things as she wants, but once we figure out the problem she generally calms down pretty quickly.

The Big Kids

Samuel is definitely the "favored older brother" that EVERYONE wants to be exactly like.  For example, at breakfast we usually have a choice of two cereals and milk or no milk.  Both Paul and Jacob will ask for EXACTLY what Samuel picks - cereal and milk choice.  And this is a recent thing, as up until a month or two ago, they would each make "their own choices" which rarely matched Samuel.  Fortunately Samuel does not seem to mind being "so important" and he is not really "getting a big head" over it, either.  The only problem really comes when Samuel wants to play with Jacob and they don't want to play with Paul.  Poor Paul feels all left-out and alone.  Now, Miriam LOVES Paul and will shadow him at almost anything.  (Much to their mother's demise, as those two can cause A LOT of mischief!!)  But this is often not good enough when Paul wants to play with "the big kids."  Ahh, the drama of these kids.  Generally, though, they play fairly well together and often are extra careful to include Miriam, too, so I have few complaints.

I must add that Paul's latest catch-all phrase is, "oh well, life is just not fair," which he says quite frequently.  Now, if he only understood and actually believed it. . . 

Crafting:

I'm about 3/4 done with my "baby sack" (my knitted bag-thing that will supposedly work as a swaddle for baby, assuming I made it the "right size" - of which I really have no idea and have no real way to judge until the baby comes out and I try to put her in it).  I should easily be able to finish it and that makes me happy.  It has been a joy to knit.

Reading:

I'm still working through Hypnobirthing and while I am finding it helpful and affirming, I do not have an delusions about labor and birth being any easier this time around.  However, having survived it five times I imagine I can do it again.

I'm also thinking of picking up Father Elijah again because I need something that will hold my interest but "has a good ending" (especially for reading at night - my prego hormonal self just cannot handle the high-drama of the action-packed novels and such).  I have read this before, but it has been a couple years so I have forgotten most of it and I do recall enjoying it immensely, so I am hopeful it is what I need right now.

Bringing Me Joy:

*Naps. . . am I allowed to say that?  Well, they do bring me much joy!!  And I am so thankful for children who understand that Mom will be much happier (and friendly) if they play quietly (and don't make huge messes) while Mom naps.

*Chocolate cake. . . seriously, I made my first chocolate cake from scratch the other day and it is VERY VERY good.  (Of course, it was very very not-healthy and included lots of processed "junk" but I was going for yummy, not healthy :)

*Music.  My mp3 player bit the dust.  After about 8 years of service I'm not exactly crying in my soup over it.  Fortunately I was able to pick up a used ipod quite cheaply and it has been treating me well (once I learned how to play nicely with itunes).  Some of my favorite things to listen to lately are Overcomer by Mandisa because it is just so peppy - great for running or cleaning.  Her song Joy Unspeakable is probably my favorite right now.  I am also getting into having some classical music in the background and am enjoying The 99 Most Essential Haydn Masterpieces.

Bible Verse:

This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you.  (John 15:12)

Pictures to Share:

Here are "the best pictures" I could get of Rebekah in her "dance mode."  I am a fairly pathetic photographer, but I still think she made a beautiful dancer.

Belly face-off.  I'm about half way through week 36 here.

Happy Birth Month Paul and Miriam!!

Paul and Miriam share a birth day, exactly two years apart.  And let me tell you that for some reason this makes me very happy.  It was not exactly planned, although I could have prevented it by maybe a day if I really tried.  Paul was induced right on his due date, I believe.  Miriam was induced a few days after hers and although I got to choose the day, it really came down to this day or the next.  At the time I was unsure, but ready for Miriam to be OUT!  Now I enjoy having them share a birthday.  As of now they do not seem to mind, but I wonder if that sentiment will be altered as they grow. . . oh well, it cannot be changed now!  So, on to the fun facts!


Paul

*LOVES TO TALK - His latest habit is to ask anyone whom he comes into contact with their name.  (Even if he "should" know their name - for example my cousin was over and he has seen her MANY times, but he still asked her name.  But he often asks "strangers" - like the mailman or the neighbor he does not know so well, their names, too.)  He will then proceed to call that person by name and tell them anything and everything that comes to mind.

*Paul's favorite color is red. . . no blue. . . no orange.  (Ok, so apparently he does not really have a favorite color, I honestly got this answer when I asked the other day.)

*His favorite food is pizza . . . well, assuming you are not counting things like ice cream, cookies, and cake.

*Paul still enjoys talking about himself in third person.  (Which is common and totally normal for his age, in case you were curious.)

I made this up to brag about him on facebook and figured I would share it here, too.

Miriam

*LOVES kitties. . . and also enjoys dogs, bunnies, and other soft friendly mammals.

*Enjoys her books.  She loves to point at pictures in them or even listen to short stories.  She is a big literature fan.

*Gives the best kisses of any of our children thus far.  I think maybe this is because I have probably kissed her more than any of our kids so far.  (That is what happens when you finally have another girl after three boys :)

*Gives better hugs - and hugs more people than any of the other kids thus far.  She is just a very affectionate child.

*Her favorite meal is a toss up between meatballs and lasagna.

*Random cute story:  A few days ago, Miriam noticed she had some bruises on her legs and she pointed at them to show me and I told her "owie" for each one and then I pointed at her knee and said "and here is your knee."  The same thing for her arms, she had some little bruises and I told her "owie, owie," and then we got to her "elbow."  So the other day, she fell down and hurt her face.  She comes running to me pointing at her chin, saying in a most distraught voice, "knee, KNEE!!"  When she meant to say "owie."  Another time she said "elbow" instead.  Fail parenting here I guess.

Happy Birthday to two of my greatest blessings.  With your endless energy and creative spirits, you two make my life so full of excitement and adventure.  May God blow on the flames of your enthusiasm to set your hearts on fire for Him, more each day.

I love you, Paul and Miriam!!