Somewhere along the way in the midst of getting married, having babies, etc I have gone from "barely surviving" to "figuring things out." I have opinions on things now that I never imagined I would have opinions on before. I now know not only that I CAN survive childbirth, but how to do it better. I can not only live through a fussy baby, I often still manage to get sleep. I cannot just cook edible food, now I cook food that I PREFER WHEN COMPARED TO MOST RESTAURANTS! (That one is huge for me if you cannot tell.) I now have ideas on what to do when I'm upset at my husband (and still treat him respectfully) and I even have some good ideas on what to do to "be especially nice" to him, as well. I am far from an expert in any of these areas, but I guess I now have a little experience under my belt and a little confidence.
And what does all this have to do with my personal joy or grumpiness? Well, suddenly I believe I have started to expect too much from myself and my family. Now I'm not saying we should not strive for perfection and be disciplined and deliberate in our actions, decisions, etc. But suddenly I've noticed that my expectations might be a little too optimistic and thus, when I fall short of them I get GRUMPY! Here is a real-life example for you. I went to the grocery store yesterday and spent $13 more than I planned to spend. The entire drive home I was beating myself up for what I had bought and for not paying better attention. Obviously I am simple HORRIBLE at keeping a budget, even though I got over $20 from coupons, I obviously could have done that better. And what had I bought this trip that was more in the "stocking up" category - what I could have lived without until my next trip to the store? And I started to feel a little sick to my stomach and was thinking I might just never shop again. Time to move out to the farm and raise all our own food.
Ok, time out. $13 over is really NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!! (I imagine all my SERIOUS coupon clippers are gasping at that, but in my life that is just how it is.) I should be grateful it was not $50 or $100! And for those stock-up items, who really knows when I'm going to get back to the store and if I will remember them when I get there? I am actually quite sporadic on my store trips, and they often get pushed off for several days. And having the right items in my cabinet is often the difference from being able to make a meal or spending more money to bring something in from a restaurant (not to mention usually sacrificing nutrition in the process).
Another example of my over-optimism would be in volunteering to take dinner to a friend yesterday. We had soccer for Samuel and Jacob, followed by Aikido for Rebekah and Samuel and in the middle of the two I planned to drop off a meal for a friend in need. And not only did I make a giant meal of meatballs, cheesey potatoes, peas, jigglers, and brownies, I ALSO made two calzones for my family (which required advance planning as I do the dough in the breadmaker and it takes 1.5 hrs). My kitchen was trashed and we were 10 minutes late for soccer practice, but I managed to get it done. But as I went about my chores of meal preparation I felt a hurriedness that bordered on panic and I lamented not being able to really enjoy these tasks (as I would have, given more time and better circumstances). I could have even had the kids help and they would have LOVED IT.
In conclusion, what am I doing about all this? I'm trying to be more realistic. Somewhere along the way I bought into the idea (probably from pintrest) that EVERYTHING I do can and should be done PERFECTLY and not only that. . . it should have been done that way TWO DAYS AGO. I can only do so much. Although I am starting to do some things pretty well (in my humble opinion) taking that for granted it really sacrificing my joy lately. So here is to being a little more flexible, not expecting perfection, not trying to do too much (haha), looking for the humor, and being thankful.
And if you have made it this far, here is an adorable picture of Miriam for you to enjoy.
Oh and did I mention I finally published a book I wrote about five years ago? I wrote it on the suggestion of a few friends. It is nothing earth shattering, or anything and it is knda short, but there are some good points! I sent it to some "real" publishers back when I wrote it and although many of them sent me nice letters telling me my theology was sound and it was a "nice" book, it was not really "new author" material. But anyone can publish on Amazon (for free), so. . . five years later, here ya go. And if you really just cannot justify spending money on it, keep it saved and I think Amazon will let me offer it for free after a bit (during certain promotional periods).
Ok, one more picture of my "super hero" children :)
Sigh. Nice post.
ReplyDeleteTHanks for sharing your perspective.
Yeah, I agree that we tend to expect a lot of ourselves. :) Thanks for the reminder! :)
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