As you might have noticed, I was able to speak on our local Catholic Radio station on the topic of motherhood. The following are what I basically talked about. I figured if I went to all the trouble to put it together, I might as well share it with the "cyber world" as well.
First off, some background. I was asked to speak on "motherhood." That is quite a broad topic!! So I asked the council of a good friend for some direction. She suggested I speak of how "motherhood is the most important thing a woman does." That seemed like a good start, but then I got to wondering. . . is it really THE MOST IMPORTANT THING?!?! Well, in order to find out I went to the Church documents.
Tangent: One of the things I LOVE about the Catholic faith is that we have answers to basically everything, you just have to look for them!!
I turned to
Mulieris Dignitatem (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women). I read and re-read and pondered and concluded definitively that I AM NOT A SCHOLAR and that is ok. So, to answer if motherhood is really THE MOST IMPORTANT THING a woman does (regular motherhood or spiritual), well you will have to discern and answer for yourself (or glean the documents some more and find the answer for me).
In any case, at one point in
Mulieris Dignitatem,
Guadium et Spes (On Joy and Hope) is quoted and that became the driving point for my talk. But before I go into that, let me tangent just a touch more about Church documents.
Guadium et Spes is the Pastoral constitution on the Church in the Modern World. I have a degree in Religious Education from
Franciscan University of Steubenville (which I highly recommend, btw) and I cannot tell you EXACTLY what a pastoral constitution is, so I did my best to look it up and I will now share with you, so YOU can be in-the-know as well (unless of course you already know, in which case, feel free to skip on ahead).
From Wickipedia:
Gaudium et Spes
(Joy and Hope),
the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in
the Modern World, was one of the four
Apostolic Constitutions resulting from the Second Vatican Council. The document is an overview of
the Catholic Church's teachings about humanity's relationship to
society, especially in reference to economics, poverty, social
justice, culture, science, technology and ecumenism.
Approved by a vote of 2,307 to 75 of the bishops
assembled at the council, it was promulgated by PopePaul VI on 7 December 1965, the day the council
ended. As is customary with Catholic
documents, the title is taken from its incipit
(first few words of opening line):
The joys and hopes, the
grief and anguish of the people of our time, especially of those
who are poor or afflicted, are the joys and hopes, the grief and
anguish of the followers of Christ as well.
|
An apostolic
constitution is the highest level of
decree
issued by the Pope.
By their nature, apostolic constitutions are addressed
to the public. Generic constitutions use the title apostolic
constitution, and treat on solemn matters of the church, such as
the promulgation of laws or definitive teachings. The forms dogmatic
constitution and pastoral constitution are titles
sometimes used to be more descriptive as to the document's purpose.
The next highest category, after an apostolic
constitution, is an encyclical Letter.
So know you know a little more about Church documents. Moving on. . .
According to Gaudium et Spes: Man is the only creature that God willed for his
own sake. Man can only find himself through a sincere gift of
self. (# 24)
This is HUGE. We can only find ourselves through a SINCERE gift of self.
It
is in giving that we receive.
(St Francis Peace Prayer)
This led me to ponder the bible verse about losing your life for the sake of the Gospel, but when I went to look it up, I discovered it is in the Bible SIX TIMES!!
Those who find their life will lose
it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:39)
For those who want to save their
life will lose it, and those who lose their life, for my sake will
save it. (Matthew 16:25)
For those who want to save their
life will lose it, and those who lose their life, for my sake, and
for the sake of the gospel, will save it. (Mark 8:35)
For those who want to save their
life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will
save it. (Luke 9:24)
Those who try to make their life
secure will lose it, but those who lose their life will keep it. (Luke 17:33)
Those who love their life lose it,
and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal
life. (John 12:25)
How do we lose ourselves for God's
sake?
Matthew 25:31-46
. . . for I was hungry and you gave me
food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a
stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I
was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.
. .
Generally speaking: The Corporal and
Spiritual Works of Mercy = dying to self and living for Christ
So bringing it back to our topic at hand, I venture to say:
In motherhood you become a professional
at giving of yourself.
It is with this focus of sincerely giving of yourself - your time, your talent, your EVERYTHING, that I bring you my own. . .
10 ways to be AN AWESOME MOM!!
#1) Have the right attitude toward
your child
*YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN!!
*YOU are a
welcome blessing in our family.
*You are worth my time and energy.
Often I am told (while out and about with my five children) "you sure must be busy," (implying that I am sure wasting my time on these kids when I could be off furthering my career or traveling or doing fun and exciting things with my life). So, I smile and nod, but I want to shout back, "Yes I am, but WHAT IS MORE WORTH MY TIME THAN GIVING MYSELF TO THESE: God's own children?
(Generally if you are grumpy about
taking care of your kids it is because YOU need an attitude
adjustment, which brings us to point number two.)
#2) Take care of yourself so that
you can better take care of your child.
Without large periods of solicitude
and silence you lose the very things people desire to draw from you.
- St Teresa of Avila
*Get your personal prayer time in –
what this means for you (Scripture, form prayers, meditation, Daily
Mass, just chatting with God, etc)
*Take “me time” each day –
something that gives you a break (read a novel, knit, do a project,
check facebook or blogs, etc)
*Daily exercise (taking care of your
body is important)
*Try to eat healthy (good food makes
you feel better)
#3) Show love and respect for your
spouse
*Stable homes are important – your
kids need to know you love each other
*Make time to be with your spouse
Even if you cannot afford a sitter, you can put on a video for the kids and sit in the other room and have "adult conversation" with your spouse. Or one of my favorites: "in-house date-night," after the kids go to bed.
*Let the kids see you doing special
things for your spouse when he is not around (ex: let's save this
piece for Daddy or I'm buying this special snack just for Daddy)
In the book,
A Mother's Rule of Life, By Holy Pierlot, she gives an order for life:
Prayer
Person
Partner
Parent
Provider
I believe she is VERY wise in this. It is important to remember that your spouse must come before your kids (after God and taking care of yourself). This is best for your children, too, even though it may not seem so.
#4) Set the example for your kids
*Be kind, listen, try not to yell,
etc.
*Discuss why people might be acting the way they do.
Becky Baily has a discipline approach she calls Conscious Discipline. One of the tenants is called "positive intent." Basically she says, assume the best about other people. For example: we are about to pull into a parking place at the grocery store and another car comes FLYING up and zips in right in front of us. Rather than getting mad and yelling, I tell the kids, "perhaps that person has a sick child at home and they are hurrying to the store to get some medicine so the child can feel better, or perhaps they only have a few minutes of break time at work and they want to come pick up something special for their wife/husband, or perhaps they just did not see us there."
*Let them see you doing works of
mercy, small penances – like skipping dessert, etc
*ESPECIALLY model ASKING FORGIVENESS –
we are not perfect, so when we make a mistake, tell your child you
are sorry and ask for forgiveness
#5) Really listen EVERY TIME your
child talks to you.
*Even if you are not interested. . . at
all (video games – oye!)
*Even if they have told you
five-hundred times!! (they get excited and want to share)
*Listening and responding tells them: "You are worth my time and whatever else I was doing can wait a minute for me to love you right now."
#6) Look at your child
*You do not have to look EVERY time they
speak – say you are in the middle of something (driving, cooking),
but if can safely do so, or after a few minutes, etc = look them in
the eye – show them you are interested in them.
*Say you are in the other room, take a
minute to stop what you are doing and go see what they are doing (not
just to be safe – my kids are young I do this A LOT for safety
purposes – but do it just to show interest).
#7) Touch your child
*Hugs, kisses, tickles, etc – teach
your child that their body is good, desirable, etc
*We have this book called,
I love you rituals. It is a book of nursery
rhymes (most times positively rewritten) with hand actions - usually you holding your child's hands, or pulling on their fingers, etc.
*My oldest child is seven so I have no idea how to deal with a child older than that and I can only guess tweens and teens are a whole different ball game, but I do remember being that age and still craving physical affection, so figure out how to give it to them so they do not seek it from a place you would rather they not find it.
(I want to say it goes without saying that I mean "appropriately" but I guess I'm saying it now so there ya go - I mean "appropriate touches.")
#8) Make time for your child
*We try to have “date night” once a month with Mom or Dad one-on-one with each child, doing something special
(does not have to extravagant, can just stay up an extra 30 min
playing games, painting nails, watching part of a movie and eating
popcorn, reading books, making cookies, etc).
*Time that says to your child, “YOU
ARE TREASURED!”
*This is something that cannot be
TAKEN AWAY if they misbehave, etc – not something they earn.
#9) Pray WITH your child
*Form prayers are an excellent place to start: Our Father, Rosary,
Hail Mary
We really like this morning offering: Good Morning dear Jesus, this day is
for you, we ask that you bless all we think say and do.
*Impromptu prayers - “Please God,
keep us safe on the road. Please help us find our lost hat. Thank
you for saving the last apple at the store for us to buy, etc
*Read Scripture together.
*Study the faith together.
#10) Pray FOR your child
*Just as you clothe them and feed them
today and tomorrow have to do it again, clothing them with prayer
echos eternally.
*To truly make a difference in their
life, pray for them
*I like to just make up prayers for my children as I reflect on them and how grateful I am for them, but if you want to write some form prayers for each of your children, that can help on days when you just cannot think of what to say!!
Here is an article with suggestions and tips for doing this.
(And in my personal experience: praying for
someone helps me love them more and WANT to serve them more. Maybe Jesus was on to something when he told us to pray for our enemies. . . )
In Sum:
It really comes
down to relationships. Have a relationship with God. Have a
relationship with yourself (take time for yourself). Have a
relationship with your husband. Have a relationship with your child.
Foster each, in that order.
The end.
