Input

I took a basketball to the face - HARD - after religion class last Wednesday.  Funny that I have played basketball, for about fifteen years (VERY competitively for the last eight or so) and never before managed to damage my head, but this particular evening, playing around with about twenty little kids and about a million basketballs (go figure) I managed to get pegged so hard, right in the face (fortunately my glasses did not break! - or my nose!!) and get a concussion.  Basically, I was caught off-guard.  I was paying attention to my son, Samuel, and the ball he had just thrown me.  I was preparing to shoot it and then BAM, another kid accidentally launched a ball with quite a bit of gusto (she was probably a fifth or sixth grader) and I turned to see it at the last second, as it connected with my face.  She was so aplogetic!  I assured her it was no big deal, but that evening and for several days after I felt the effects of a mild concussion.  Mostly for me it was just nausea. . . and some irritability (although I might just be blaming my usual grumpiness on this).

The funny thing is that when you have a concussion you need to let your BRAIN rest, which means no reading, no teaching, no watching tv, etc.  Sounds simple, right, but what would YOU do if you could not read or do really anything computer or screen-related for a week?  Mostly I have slept - who knew I could be so tired?!?!  I prayed some - thank God for the Rosary and its beautiful repetition.  And thank God for my mother who came (and continues to come) to teach my children for me!!

But I also reflected. . . and came to the conclusion that I'm a little bit addicted.  Seriously, I'm addicted to input. . . from books, from blogs on the internet, from what my friends have to say on social media.  I have books all over my house, from my bathroom to my kitchen.  I read books on the back-lit kindle as I rock/nurse the baby to sleep.  I check  my facebook probably three or four times a day - sometimes for an hour or more at night (and it drives my husband bananas - haha).  And then there is a computer game I play with my husband. . . which was of course off-limits, along with our nightly (well, three or four times a week anyhow) episode of Chuck.

Now, is this input bad, as in inherently evil?  I can clearly say NO!  I am not reading books on anything that does not in some way reflect the human search for God in truth, beauty, and goodness.  Now some things are more noble than others.  Obviously reading Scripture would be at the top and the silly science-fiction novel would be considerably lower.  Social media could have noble undertones of concern for friends and prayer requests, but sometimes it is sheer boredom or escape that leads me there and keeps me captive.

So other than pray and think and wash the dishes (funny how that task did not make my head hurt) what did I/do I most notice filling up this "void"?  Worry.  When I'm not bombarded with constant input and ideas I worry. . . about everything.  Of course, I should have seen that coming as my defense mechanism for worry is to distract myself.  Hard to do with so little fuel for distraction!

Although this whole experience has been a giant pain - literally, hah - I am grateful for this revelation.  Now I see what I need to work on.  And I think I will start with praying for some faith to fill up that worry and for some gentle nudges to limit my input some and allow God to work on me as well.

(And I should add, that it has not been a week yet, but I have been slowly reintroducing "brain activities" as I am able to tolerate - even in the beginning, when it made me nauseous, I allowed myself a few minutes of facebook each day.  As I said above I am "mildly addicted" :)  Now I can read for a half hour or so at a time on the computer/kindle, but watching a tv episode last night was definitely a bit much - ugh I felt horrible after that!  But generally things are improving - Thank God!  My doc said it could be 4-6 weeks before I am "back to normal.")