Since high school, my life has been a whirlwind of a ride, consisting of me doing MANY MANY things I swore to myself I would NEVER do (for no good reason, mind you, my initial instinct was simply, "hah, I will never do that"). Some examples might be getting married, having kids, even doing step aerobics! Obviously, over the years, I have realized that this initial "I would NEVER do that" reaction is not to be trusted and I leave the door open now, to eat those words (even if only spoken in my head). This post is going to consist of nine ways I have recently broken down some "I"m never going to do that" areas.
1) Not do a "serious" work-out every day.
This is HUGE people. And honestly, this is almost a post in itself. If you were to ask me what is the most important part of my day, I would tell you my work-out and my prayer time. Those are two MUST-haves.
Why am I not doing a "serious" work-out, you ask? Well many reasons. First off, I'm getting into this Nutritious Movement stuff as I've said in the past and "they" would probably label my serious work-out as "junk food movement." I'm not even going to try to unpack that right now. Feel free to follow the link and search that phrase on their site if you are so interested. In any case, it is basically "okay" but not the main deal when it comes to movement and body function. If you asked "them" what was most important, they would say walking, following by every other movement you can think of, but done sporadically, in no set pattern or order.
Second reason I'm not doing a "serious" work-out every day (or really any days yet) is because I'm still recovering from baby #7. Oh sure I've done a few things here and there -- some Aikido, a short jog with my daughter, etc. But the pain (especially in my back -- as in I had to crawl just to get to the bathroom one day) has shown me that my body is just not ready for that yet. And this time, for the first time in seven children, I'm listening!!
2) Not care that I don't have a perfect body.
This is probably even bigger than my number one point. All my life I have disliked my body. I have ALWAYS felt I was too fat. This was my drive in college to take up running and then to hit my exercise groove which has carried me up until about a year ago when I got pregnant with baby #7 (although having children definitely slowed the groove some and gave me some distinct hiccups in this routine).
It was just recently that I was feeling much lighter and more flexible -- not physically this way, but just in a --oh, what's the word I'm looking for? -- personal?? in a personal sense? - -- as in, I feel more free in my personhood because for so long I have been driven so hard to get my daily exercise in! It was SO SO SO important because I had this idea in my head of how I was supposed to look. Or more specifically, what I was supposed to weigh and the size of clothes I was supposed to wear. And at one point I got really close to the weight goal, but then I got pregnant again - haha.
While I am not opposed to losing weight and getting stronger, and being generally "healthy," it is no longer driven by a secret dislike of my body and fear of being "fat." I like me just as I am right now. I like my soft round belly and I even like my giant thighs and generous arse. It is tough to explain, but I just feel comfortable now in my own skin. Whether it is due to age, or my husband loving me as I am, or something else, I don't know, but I'm sure grateful for this new sense of peace in my life.
3) Homeschooling.
I went to public school, followed by Catholic college. I liked college a lot, mostly because the college I went to was/is an awesome bubble of heaven on earth.
It was not until I went to eat lunch with my first grade daughter and got yelled at for putting my trash in the wrong trash can. Then "we" did not line up fast enough at recess so we had to stand still and quiet in line for five minutes (myself included) before parading back to the classroom (so I could gather my keys and get the heck out of there). This visit that was supposed to be a special meal and playtime with my child, brought back a flood of memories and understanding. I realized at that moment I had HATED school. I had always been pretty smart and a little OCD, so I worked hard and did what I was told. But the sense of powerlessness, the waiting, the boredom, social difficulties. I was always anxious and jumpy -- afraid I had done something wrong, feeling like I was suffocating. After this great moment of catharsis, I started to look into homeschooling.
And I had met and worked with some homsechooled kids in college. (I was a tutor for one). They were THE SWEETEST kids EVER but I just felt like they were going to get taken advantage of in the real world. Now, however, I look at my rowdy, confident, social children and cannot imagine them being as sweet or innocent as those homsechoolers I came across. They must have been a fluke in homsechooling representation. :)
4) Buy "Shakeology" from Beachbody
This one makes me chuckle hard. From the moment I had friends raving over it and pushy coaches going on and on about how amazing it was. I sat on my high horse and thought, but it has sugar!! And you need to chew your food, it's good for your mouth muscles!!
And here I am about to sign up mostly because the thought of having one "decent" meal that I don't have to wash, cut, and cook a ton of veggies for sounds like a dream come true! I have been trying to eat mostly meat and vegetables (avoiding grains and sugar) and partaking in "shakeology" looks like it might turn out to be an invaluable aid on my journey to better health.
Update: So I talked with hubby tonight (after typing this up, but before posting) and we are currently still praying about/considering this expense - haha. Don't worry. I will be sure to let you know how it goes, if it goes.
5) Not have a set prayer time.
My prayer life has always been VERY IMPORTANT to me. But let's be honest. Although I desire a relationship with Jesus and to participate in the inner life of the Trinity, that has not often been the fuel for my reading of Sacred Scripture and scouring theological books. As I reflect now, I would say my main drive to get my daily prayer time in was fear. I was afraid of what might happen if I missed it. It was not even a possibility to skip it. I could add to it, but never lessen. I am a bit OCD you know, and this was how I controlled my prayer time.
I would read a chapter each from my five currently chosen books of the bible. (I picked five places and read a chapter in each book each day until I finished the book and moved on, so for example I would read a chapter of Genesis, Psalms, Jeremiah, Matthew, and 1 Corinthians.) I would write in my journal -- first noting any bible verses that jumped out at me and then just random thoughts or reflections and I would read my catechism. I would often do the Liturgy of the Hours, as well, saying Morning Prayer, Evening Prayer, and Compline. Plus I would go to an hour of adoration (that was like icing on the cake when I let myself just go and sit) and try for daily Mass as often as possible (which was pretty-much every day in college). This was my favorite way to pray.
Now I am a wife and mother. My desire is still for my previous prayer habits, but my reality is something far far from that. Now I wake and try to squeeze in a quick read of the Daily Mass readings first thing (which I'm not above locking the bathroom door to get some quiet for). Later I might have five minutes to read the Scriptures more in-depth, or a verse might jump out at me that I can bring to mind later. There is a lot less reading and a lot less quiet, but my mind is often on God -- more often than when I was able to spend more time indulging in reading Scripture or being quiet in adoration. Now I find myself almost constantly crying out for help in my heart because let's face it, life can be overwhelming in almost every way!! And being home with the children, setting my own schedule -- that just opens me up to being clueless from moment to moment. What do you want of me now, God? Am I being selfish or realistic? Do I need to push the children harder or show some mercy? Oh goodness they need to eat AGAIN!?!? Where is that daily bread?? :)
I do pray a lot with the children, but their attention spans are shorter so that makes "group prayer" have a much different feel to it. And again, this is another blog post in itself.
6) Not wash my hair with shampoo.
This is a silly one. Recently I looked at all the different kinds of shampoo in my bathroom. I have always felt like a shampoo will work okay for a few days and then I need to switch to another. And honestly no shampoo has ever gotten my hair conditioned just as I want it. So finally, a few days ago, I said, "Enough!!" And it has been about 15 days now since I used shampoo to wash my hair. What is my plan? I have no idea. But I figure I will see how long I can go before washing it again and then reassess if this time has been helpful or just silly. In any case, it has cut down on my shower time!!
7) Leave my house in such disarray.
Houses get dirty. You know it and I know it. I used to clean up every night before bed. As a single person that means a few dishes, maybe some mail. As a married person, a bit more. As a mother of seven it opens a whole new world. Now, if we are not having company or I'm planning something special to prepare int he kitchen I will often let the dishes and the toys sit.
In fact, just this evening I noted a few plates still at the table. Oh sure, we have a "bring your own plate to the kitchen" rule, but that does not actually prevent there from being plates left at the table -- not in our reality, at least. Tonight it was because Daddy was off with the big kids at play practice and I had to abandon the middle three at the table while eating so I could put the fussy baby to bed. There simply was no one there to remind them of the rule.
In the past, I would have seen that table, that messy kitchen, and immediately went to work putting it right. Now, in my semi-permanent exhausted state I honestly don't care so much. I have definitely let it go. It is very freeing.
As a side note, I believe we are on the verge of the children doing better at helping with the clean up. Not as though they are just getting older and better at that sort of thing, but it is going to have to start happening out of necessity. I simply cannot do it all and I need to train them better to help. They do some now, but I think they are capable of more. It is time for them to learn the details and to learn to obey. It should only take another 18 years or so for them to get it right, the day before the baby moves out.
8) Be able to ignore a crying child.
I don't think I ever let Rebekah cry as a baby. The minute she turned on the waterworks or started wailing I was attending. Now, she was a fairly mellow baby and did not cry much. The other children, I honestly cannot really remember. It all sort-of blends.
But tonight, the baby was in bed asleep, the other children all put to bed. Hubby and I were in our bedroom, just talking -- and a child began to cry, with a good amount of force, a grumpy, upset cry, but not a hurt cry. We looked at each other a bit wearily and kept talking a bit more. A few minutes later, we checked out the crier. She was fine. It was a matter of a stolen and then returned blanket (stolen by the crier, who was crying that it had been taken back).
I still have compassion and I genuinely care about my children, but flat out wailing and crying just don't have the same effect on me that they used to.
9) Drink so much coffee.
When I was a kid, someone told me not to drink coffee because it would stunt my growth. And I really believed that!! Plus, I wanted to be tall, so why risk it? Of course I did NOT like the taste of coffee anyhow, so it really was not a huge sacrifice to not drink it.
When I was dating my now husband, he would get a cappuccino from his favorite hometown "restaurant" (Little Market) and make me taste it. He claimed it tasted like hot chocolate. Honestly I did not care. Hot chocolate is nice, but not like my favorite thing ever or anything. But he was persistent and INSISTED that I try it. So I would take a sip or two every time he got one. Eventually it got to the point that I would get one when he got one. Then we graduated to real coffee with a generous amount of coffee creamer in it and have never looked back.
Lately I have moved into the realm of more than one cup of coffee a day (and timing them just right) and that is a real game changer. My fear of running only on caffeine has been replaced with unmistakable productivity and joy, all from a little hot beverage with a whole lot of spunk.
What's coming next?
If I were to guess what might be my next "achievement" as far as things I never thought I'd do, I would say maybe a cell phone with an actual contract, or texting (which has always looked appealing but not possible on a landline), or possibly moving out into the country.
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