More brainstorming for The Rule

It seems like my daily life is really under-going a major change with having two kids in school (Samuel only half day, 4 days a week), coupled with adapting to having four children to run after. I find that my time to spent on projects is rather broken up into small pieces. This is difficult because I cannot actually finish any project unless I stay up late and finish it once the kids go to bed - but the trouble is that I usually only stay up another hour or two after I put them to bed and this is normally time I spend reconnecting with the hubby. Although he does not mind giving me an occasional "work-night" I do fill guilty and somewhat over-worked to consider my evening hours a fitting time for "projects." So, as I am designing my new battle plan I am taking this into consideration. Even this very project (re-doing my rule of life) is seeming to take forever as I can't just sit down and do it, but rather sit down and think about it for five minutes here or there. I have some charts started on excel, but not finished. However, I am trying to take this to my advantage. By not doing this all at once it gives me lots of time to stew on things and really ponder what is best and why.

Last night as I was nursing Paul to sleep and pondering my new rule I remembered a story once told to me. A religious brother was playing cards during recreation time with his fellow brothers. He was asked what he would do if he was suddenly made aware that Jesus would be returning to earth in an hour. He answered that he would keep on playing cards as recreation is what he was supposed to be doing now. Initially I though this little antidote was to show that one's life needs to be in order at all times so we are always ready for Christ to come again - and it does show that - but it also has another meaning I just realized as I was remembering this story a second time. This religious brother understood that for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Likewise, in vain is your earlier rising, your going later to rest, you who toil for the bread you eat; when he pours gifts on his beloved while they slumber (Psalm 127: 2). He understood that it is not all about what we get done, but more so, what we are doing. God does not expect us to do everything all at once - I think that is one of my biggest struggles. I want to get it all done right now! But that is not how we work. We work in time. The work will never be all done. I think I need to tell myself that again. The work will never be all done. So it is not so much a matter of completing tasks, as it is living in the moment and doing what needs to be done at this time. I am a very "do it" kind of person. I find much satisfaction in doing things (well, not just in doing, but in finishing things). But now, as my time is not my own, finishing things does not happen very often. Rather, I must stop working on one thing in order to work on another. This, for me, is being faithful to my calling. And it seems contrary to my very being to move on to something else before my current task is completed but once I am able to do so, I believe I will find my "Rule" much more helpful and livable. Plus, just allowing myself to put it down and get back to it another time/day should make me feel less stressed about - since I allow myself to not complete it and I have a plan for returning to it later.

An example of what I'm talking about is a little project I began for my daughter. She wanted a princess bible for Christmas last year. Well, there probably is such a thing made my someone but feeling frugal I decided I would make her a princess bible. I found a photo album with princesses on the cover and began to write my own stories from the bible - with pictures - printing them off and then cutting them to fit into the photo slots in the album. It was really brilliant and seemed to work rather well. Unfortunately, I did not get it finished. If I remember correctly my last little story was about the ten commandments. Now, perhaps I bit off a bit more than I could chew (this album held 200 photos - that is a lot of stories!) but I still feel called to finish this project. I gave her the Bible at Christmas time and explained that the blank pages would be filled as soon as I could get to them. Well, it is August of the next year and I have not "gotten back" to this project. In any case, I believe this is because I have spent too much time on other things - my giving of time is imbalanced and needs to be re-adjusted. Now, I'm not saying I should have just done nothing but this project - that would have been impractical - but surely I could find at least some time to allot for this - even if it is 30 minutes every other week. I'm not 100% sure, but I imagine I have spent too much time as parent and provider and too little time in prayer and on my own person (where I consider this task to fall - I'm not just doing this for her (which would be under Parent) - writing kids stories (aka re-telling bible stories, etc) is something I really enjoy doing. The categories go in order - Prayer, Person, Partner, Parent, Provider - for a reason. I have not respected that order and I think that is why I have been so stressed lately. I think I'm re-acting, rather than acting as it comes to parenting and my main focus has been on providing - Is there dinner on the table? Is the floor clean? Good, then I am doing my job - or so it would seem to an outsider, but inside my life is chaos as I am not just a mindless servant - I have inner thoughts and desires that need to be met and expressed. I need to spend time in prayer re-connecting with God and keeping my focus on why I am cooking dinner and cleaning. Likewise with parenting, I feel like I am going from one crisis to another. I am only dealing with what is in front of me - breaking up fights, so and so is hungry, etc - I need to be encouraging structured play, reading more books, focusing on chores for the kids, etc (not that they don't need time to just play on their own, too - but that is really all we have going right now). Anyhow, with this said, my family is DEMANDING my time and I have spent quite a bit here on this post, so I must go now and move on, even though I am definitely far from finished on this little project.