This seemed right on the money today

I am currently reading the book Father Elija by Michael D. O'Brien. And a passage (p.122) I came across this morning really struck me.

"You want to be a saint, Billy. But you want to be a saint on your own terms. You want glorious victories with your sword; most of all, you want victories over your personal weaknesses and faults."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It is a good desire, but it can also be a kind of idealism masking pride."

"Who is the saint? The one who obeys God in his weakness, the one who demands every admirable quality before he sets forth on his quest?"

"Put that way, it's obvious."

"You accused me of romanticism a few days ago. Aren't all of us romantics who want our armor to shine and our swords to flash and our bella figura to draw many admiring glances as we make battle for God?"

It is not really necessary to understand the external parts of this passage. Two men are talking and this is what they say and oh how I find it so true about myself! I keep telling God I will do His will as soon as I get my own act cleaned up. Once I have my house finally organized and clean, once my kids learn their manners and their catechism, once I am able to restrain myself at table and in the store, once I lose another 20lbs, get my hair cut, and finally get my nails done. THEN, I will look good enough and be ready to do what God wants. Until then. . . well, I guess He'll just have to wait or help with MY list.

And God says - "hahahahahaha - If you would just let go of all these things that YOU think are important (however noble they may be - and however true it may be that you need to improve in these areas) and let ME tell you what I want right now. Let ME use you in your weakness, that My power may be made perfect and all these THINGS you think are so important (which are actually weighing you down as you try to conquer them alone) I can take from you, giving you instead peace and a task that is easy for you to bear.

As Saint Paul says, "for whenever I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10)

And as Jesus says, "Come to me all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy , and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

And again, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid." (John 14:27)