Changes

It has been a little while since I've posted and part of it is the craziness of life and part of it is blogger acting funny and part of it is the camera hiding from me for a while. In any case, I wanted to share some thoughts here today. I have noticed some changes in myself and. . . well, just wow, that is really all I can say about them - oh and thank you, God!

A while ago I began praying that I would be transformed to not be so materialistic and to have a better attitude about money. Early on I realized that the label "financially poor" would be sticking with us for some time as we began our family before "establishing" our careers or really taking too much time to settle in. Then, as we continued to be blessed by God with children I realized I needed an attitude adjustment. I could make do with less, but that was not good enough, I wanted to make do with less AND feel good about doing it! That was more of a challenge as initially I was quite resentful and embarrassed to be choosing children and staying home with them over possessions. Yes, now as I type it I truly understand how silly it was - I was making the right choices for us, but feeling bad about them. So I prayed that God would change my heart - show me true detachment from possessions and true trust in His providence. Well, it has taken some time (as answering prayers often does) but I am beginning to notice the changes deep within me. Here are some of the most recent revelations of them.

1) For the Fathers' Day I told my husband we could bring in dinner from a restaurant. As good a cook as I am becoming, he still has a soft spot in his heart (or more precisely his stomach :) for restaurant food. So we planned a dinner date after the kiddos went to bed (as the cheapskate in me rarely feeds them restaurant food - unless we actually eat out as a family). The hubby chose a place I do not particularly like, so he encouraged me to get food for myself from another restaurant. I thought long and hard, I considered all the options and in the end I chose to eat left-overs from the fridge! And I was just as content (if not more so) with them than I would have been with restaurant food. It has taken a long time to reach this point, but I now truly choose my own cooking over eating out.

2) I was going to the store early Saturday morning to buy last-minute Fathers' Day cards for all the fathers in my life and a gift for my own dad. As I went from store to store, looking at cards and gift ideas (prepared to spend a little money on my Dad as more money spent equaled more respect and affection, so I thought). At the second store, as I scanned the cards, it dawned on me that I could go home right now and the time I would have spent here shopping I could instead spend with my daughter, making homemade cards that would probably be appreciated more anyhow! Likewise, as I thought deep in my heart, I knew what my Dad would truly appreciate - some new praise music - and I had a cd at home that I enjoyed a lot, but he had not heard and would surely enjoy just as much! So home I went to make homemade cards and wrap up my own cd to give to my father. Somehow this simple event just made me stop and think how often I go buy a store card or gift for someone simply because that is what is expected and not because that would truly be the most thoughtful way to do it!

3) Our next-door-neighbor had a baby a few days ago. I want to make her dinner but we are not that close and I'm not sure how to go about offering that so instead we made cookies for her and her other children today. I have kinda turned into a health nut (perhaps a whole other number in itself) so instead of regular granulated sugar and brown sugar I use organic sugar and instead of shortening I use coconut oil and instead of while flour, I use wheat. But since these were for someone else I decided to go for the fluff. We used the last of the regular granulated sugar and brown sugar along with crisco shortening and half white flour (as I was running out). As I was putting the cookies on the pans to bake I inevitably got some on my fingers and it would be wasteful to not lick that off, right? (and wash my hands afterward, of course) Well, the strangest thing happened. . . I did not really enjoy the dough as much as I normally would - it was too sweet. And then, when the cookies were done I of course had to sample a few to make sure I was not giving away something that tasted bad and although I they did taste good, I prefer them with my substitutions. This really solidified that it is not just a conscious choice to use healthier ingredients - I really do like them better all around!

I am still in awe of how God is working me - and oh so grateful!!