Reflections on Motherhood and 10 Ways to be AN AWESOME MOM!

As you might have noticed, I was able to speak on our local Catholic Radio station on the topic of motherhood.  The following are what I basically talked about.  I figured if I went to all the trouble to put it together, I might as well share it with the "cyber world" as well.

First off, some background.  I was asked to speak on "motherhood."  That is quite a broad topic!!  So I asked the council of a good friend for some direction.  She suggested I speak of how "motherhood is the most important thing a woman does."  That seemed like a good start, but then I got to wondering. . . is it really THE MOST IMPORTANT THING?!?!  Well, in order to find out I went to the Church documents. 

Tangent: One of the things I LOVE about the Catholic faith is that we have answers to basically everything, you just have to look for them!! 

I turned to Mulieris Dignitatem (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women).  I read and re-read and pondered and concluded definitively that I AM NOT A SCHOLAR and that is ok.  So, to answer if motherhood is really THE MOST IMPORTANT THING a woman does (regular motherhood or spiritual), well you will have to discern and answer for yourself (or glean the documents some more and find the answer for me).

In any case, at one point in Mulieris Dignitatem, Guadium et Spes (On Joy and Hope) is quoted and that became the driving point for my talk.  But before I go into that, let me tangent just a touch more about Church documents.

Guadium et Spes is the Pastoral constitution on the Church in the Modern World.  I have a degree in Religious Education from Franciscan University of Steubenville (which I highly recommend, btw) and I cannot tell you EXACTLY what a pastoral constitution is, so I did my best to look it up and I will now share with you, so YOU can be in-the-know as well (unless of course you already know, in which case, feel free to skip on ahead).

From Wickipedia:

Gaudium et Spes (Joy and Hope), the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, was one of the four Apostolic Constitutions resulting from the Second Vatican Council. The document is an overview of the Catholic Church's teachings about humanity's relationship to society, especially in reference to economics, poverty, social justice, culture, science, technology and ecumenism.

Approved by a vote of 2,307 to 75 of the bishops assembled at the council, it was promulgated by PopePaul VI on 7 December 1965, the day the council ended. As is customary with Catholic documents, the title is taken from its incipit (first few words of opening line):

The joys and hopes, the grief and anguish of the people of our time, especially of those who are poor or afflicted, are the joys and hopes, the grief and anguish of the followers of Christ as well.

An apostolic constitution is the highest level of decree issued by the Pope.

By their nature, apostolic constitutions are addressed to the public. Generic constitutions use the title apostolic constitution, and treat on solemn matters of the church, such as the promulgation of laws or definitive teachings. The forms dogmatic constitution and pastoral constitution are titles sometimes used to be more descriptive as to the document's purpose.

The next highest category, after an apostolic constitution, is an encyclical Letter.

So know you know a little more about Church documents.  Moving on. .  .

According to Gaudium et Spes: Man is the only creature that God willed for his own sake. Man can only find himself through a sincere gift of self. (# 24)

This is HUGE.  We can only find ourselves through a SINCERE gift of self.

It is in giving that we receive. (St Francis Peace Prayer)

This led me to ponder the bible verse about losing your life for the sake of the Gospel, but when I went to look it up, I discovered it is in the Bible SIX TIMES!!   

Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.  (Matthew 10:39)

For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life, for my sake will save it.  (Matthew 16:25)

For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life, for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.  (Mark 8:35)

For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.  (Luke 9:24)

Those who try to make their life secure will lose it, but those who lose their life will keep it.  (Luke 17:33)

Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.  (John 12:25)

How do we lose ourselves for God's sake?

Matthew 25:31-46

. . . for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me. . .

Generally speaking: The Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy = dying to self and living for Christ

So bringing it back to our topic at hand, I venture to say:

In motherhood you become a professional at giving of yourself.

It is with this focus of sincerely giving of yourself - your time, your talent, your EVERYTHING, that I bring you my own. . .

10 ways to be AN AWESOME MOM!!

#1) Have the right attitude toward your child

*YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN!!
*YOU are a welcome blessing in our family.

*You are worth my time and energy.

 

Often I am told (while out and about with my five children) "you sure must be busy," (implying that I am sure wasting my time on these kids when I could be off furthering my career or traveling or doing fun and exciting things with my life).  So, I smile and nod, but I want to shout back, "Yes I am, but WHAT IS MORE WORTH MY TIME THAN GIVING MYSELF TO THESE: God's own children? 

(Generally if you are grumpy about taking care of your kids it is because YOU need an attitude adjustment, which brings us to point number two.)

#2) Take care of yourself so that you can better take care of your child.

Without large periods of solicitude and silence you lose the very things people desire to draw from you. - St Teresa of Avila

*Get your personal prayer time in – what this means for you (Scripture, form prayers, meditation, Daily Mass, just chatting with God, etc)

*Take “me time” each day – something that gives you a break (read a novel, knit, do a project, check facebook or blogs, etc)

*Daily exercise (taking care of your body is important)

*Try to eat healthy (good food makes you feel better)
 

#3) Show love and respect for your spouse

*Stable homes are important – your kids need to know you love each other

*Make time to be with your spouse 

 

Even if you cannot afford a sitter, you can put on a video for the kids and sit in the other room and have "adult conversation" with your spouse.  Or one of my favorites: "in-house date-night," after the kids go to bed.

*Let the kids see you doing special things for your spouse when he is not around (ex: let's save this piece for Daddy or I'm buying this special snack just for Daddy)

In the book, A Mother's Rule of Life,  By Holy Pierlot, she gives an order for life:

Prayer

Person

Partner

Parent

Provider

 

I believe she is VERY wise in this.  It is important to remember that your spouse must come before your kids (after God and taking care of yourself).  This is best for your children, too, even though it may not seem so.

#4) Set the example for your kids

*Be kind, listen, try not to yell, etc.

 

*Discuss why people might be acting the way they do. 

 

Becky Baily has a discipline approach she calls Conscious Discipline.  One of the tenants is called "positive intent."  Basically she says, assume the best about other people.  For example: we are about to pull into a parking place at the grocery store and another car comes FLYING up and zips in right in front of us.  Rather than getting mad and yelling, I tell the kids, "perhaps that person has a sick child at home and they are hurrying to the store to get some medicine so the child can feel better, or perhaps they only have a few minutes of break time at work and they want to come pick up something special for their wife/husband, or perhaps they just did not see us there."

*Let them see you doing works of mercy, small penances – like skipping dessert, etc

*ESPECIALLY model ASKING FORGIVENESS – we are not perfect, so when we make a mistake, tell your child you are sorry and ask for forgiveness
 

#5) Really listen EVERY TIME your child talks to you.

*Even if you are not interested. . . at all (video games – oye!)

*Even if they have told you five-hundred times!! (they get excited and want to share)

*Listening and responding tells them: "You are worth my time and whatever else I was doing can wait a minute for me to love you right now."

#6) Look at your child

*You do not have to look EVERY time they speak – say you are in the middle of something (driving, cooking), but if can safely do so, or after a few minutes, etc = look them in the eye – show them you are interested in them.

*Say you are in the other room, take a minute to stop what you are doing and go see what they are doing (not just to be safe – my kids are young I do this A LOT for safety purposes – but do it just to show interest).
 

#7) Touch your child

*Hugs, kisses, tickles, etc – teach your child that their body is good, desirable, etc

*We have this book called, I love you rituals.  It is a book of  nursery rhymes (most times positively rewritten) with hand actions - usually you holding your child's hands, or pulling on their fingers, etc.

 

*My oldest child is seven so I have no idea how to deal with a child older than that and I can only guess tweens and teens are a whole different ball game, but I do remember being that age and still craving physical affection, so figure out how to give it to them so they do not seek it from a place you would rather they not find it.

 

(I want to say it goes without saying that I mean "appropriately" but I guess I'm saying it now so there ya go - I mean "appropriate touches.")
 

#8) Make time for your child

*We try to have “date night” once a month with Mom or Dad one-on-one with each child, doing something special (does not have to extravagant, can just stay up an extra 30 min playing games, painting nails, watching part of a movie and eating popcorn, reading books, making cookies, etc).

*Time that says to your child, “YOU ARE TREASURED!”

*This is something that cannot be TAKEN AWAY if they misbehave, etc – not something they earn.

#9) Pray WITH your child

*Form prayers are an excellent place to start: Our Father, Rosary, Hail Mary

 

We really like this morning offering:  Good Morning dear Jesus, this day is for you, we ask that you bless all we think say and do.

*Impromptu prayers - “Please God, keep us safe on the road. Please help us find our lost hat. Thank you for saving the last apple at the store for us to buy, etc

*Read Scripture together.

*Study the faith together.

#10) Pray FOR your child

*Just as you clothe them and feed them today and tomorrow have to do it again, clothing them with prayer echos eternally.

*To truly make a difference in their life, pray for them

 

*I like to just make up prayers for my children as I reflect on them and how grateful I am for them, but if you want to write some form prayers for each of your children, that can help on days when you just cannot think of what to say!!  Here is an article with suggestions and tips for doing this.
 

(And in my personal experience: praying for someone helps me love them more and WANT to serve them more.  Maybe Jesus was on to something when he told us to pray for our enemies. . . )
 

In Sum:

It really comes down to relationships. Have a relationship with God. Have a relationship with yourself (take time for yourself). Have a relationship with your husband. Have a relationship with your child. Foster each, in that order.

The end.